If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
