How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
