If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
