I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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