Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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