I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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