watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
