I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
