he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
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Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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