yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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