Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
