upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
