i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
