He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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