god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
