How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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