i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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