listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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