AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
