I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
