this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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