I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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