and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
