i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
