so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
