direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
