I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize
