so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
