cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
