So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
