i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize