did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
