I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
