if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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