No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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