I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
