very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
