Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I am morally bankrupt
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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