Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
