I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
