why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
