He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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