I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
