I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
