I wanna passion pit in your ass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
