I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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