New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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