I want to stick my p in your. b.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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