Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
