I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that