im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.