Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.