So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser