i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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