my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
