The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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