I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
