I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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