He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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