I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
