Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
