don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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