There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
