i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
