You're completely useless in the revolution.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
