The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
